Struggles of a Catholic Woman: Purity

Hello Sunshines!

Recently I have been going back and forth on whether or not I should open up on some things that I regard as personal and sensitive, but after some time in deep prayer and consulting my closest friend in Faith, I decided to open up on it.

**Disclaimer before you read, I share something deep in this, so if you start, read it until the end, please.**

First things first, I want to just say that purity is, from my perspective, hush hush when it comes to women. Not just within the church, but with any woman, religious or not. I get it, the topic is uncomfortable and causes an "awkward" environment for people. But for someone who has struggled with an addiction to masturbation in the past and present, I have to say, I'm over it. I'm over feeling ashamed of something I should be able to talk about so I can get help from my peers. I'm over guys taking the blame for women's impurity, MY impurity. I'm over impurity becoming "boy crazy behavior" and nothing else. I'm over the fear of being judged. Most of all, I'm over feeling defenseless to this addiction.

When it comes to purity, it is always so differently explained for men and women. Well, we are different, but our struggles with purity can be and are very similar. Men struggle with addictions to pornography, women struggle with it too. The difference is it has been completely "normal" talk for men and not for women. My recent encounters with saying I want a discussion on purity ALWAYS leads to boy craziness and how to control that specifically. It never touches on the struggles I actually mean. I have never found a reason why this is the case, but I have to say, it's frustrating.

As a woman, a Catholic woman, I feel so scared to speak out and say "I struggle with an addiction to masturbation." because I felt people would shove me to the side or men wouldn't dare look at me.

This isn't even just me, I have friends and they have friends and so on. We all struggle with purity in a deeper way than what meets the surface. It goes deeper than boy crazy feelings and crushes. Don't get me wrong, sometimes it is just that, but don't disregard the other struggles simply because it is a hard topic to address. I want to hear your struggles and how you fight them. I want to help you fight them.

Now before this gets too long, I want to clarify a few things. This is not a rant, I'm just finally releasing myself from this demon that has gripped me for over 2 years. I want to be a voice for all the girls and women out there who struggle with purity. I want men to read this and have a better understanding of women. Finally, I want to open the conversation and start the support. So let's dive deeper into this topic, Sunshines.

My struggles began junior year of high school. I had just started experimenting with the idea of dating and finally started opening myself up to possibilities and thoughts I had never even considered. I made some new friends, some of which were not the best, and that's when it all started to go downhill.

At this time, I had a basic understanding of my body, but didn't truly have any knowledge of it, it was so taboo to me to even think about it. I was a 16 year old virgin (still am a virgin and proud to be btw), never been in a relationship, never been on a date, and never been kissed. This pressure hit me hard, all the movies and social media posts of new relationships really took me by storm. That's where it all began, the research and the horrible whirlwind. I didn't fall into the addiction until June of 2016.

After one year of ups and downs, I had a break through in my faith after a retreat and conference. I got help from my best friend, Haley, and we both walked the path to purity and freedom. She gave me enough strength to confess it and start my path to being sober. I was 8 months sober than fell off it, but she encouraged me to get back up again. Ever since it has been up and down, but I won't give up the fight towards freedom (2 months sober and going strong right now).

Now that I have gotten into most of the details, I want to talk about what doesn't help, what helps, and how I would like the reaction to play out to this in the future.

What Doesn't Help/Triggers:

1. Passionate Kiss Scenes - this is a major one for me, I have to really be careful on how many I view in movies or just my choices in any kind of TV in order to avoid any triggers.

2. Constant viewing of new relationships among my friends. Trust me, I am always so happy to see my friends finding love or exploring a relationship greater to see where it goes. It is just hard when it always seems to happen all at once.

3. Dirty jokes or just in general inappropriate talking. I know that this has become the "norm" for most of society, but it really doesn't help me at all when it is all I hear sometimes.

4. Secular music - this is the main cause of any inappropriate thoughts hit my mind. It is hard to get the ideas out my head when this is the main stuff played today.

5. Blaming boy crazy feelings for my sins. I know that this is the usual conclusion people reach when they hear "Impurity", but I can promise you, it simply isn't true. I don't look at men and think that way about them. Partly because of having brothers and mostly because I look at men as God's son and I could never objectify one of His creations.

What Does Help/Cures:

1. Spiritual cleanses - I created one for myself and others (shared here). It helps for me to cut myself off for a little while when things get tough.

2. Accountability partner - as my mentioned, my best friend Haley has been my rock when it comes to fighting this addiction. It helps knowing she is main person I can spill everything to when it comes to my struggles.

3. Christian and PG music - I know that sometimes people get confused why I listen to Disney, musicals, Christian, and kids songs a lot, but it's just plain facts that I not only love it, but it helps me fight all my struggles.

4. Prayer, lots of it - I'd be lying if I said my faith didn't play a huge a role in my life. That's why prayer and just diving deep into my relationship with God is making stronger against the hold masturbation and bad thoughts have gotten on me.

5. More PG movies and shows - I won't kid around, I LOVE Disney, My Little Pony, Barbie movies, and about every kid movie that is in existence. I'm not sorry about it because it helps me and it sends a positive, clean message.

6. Cold showers - odd I know, but Haley came up with it. Remarkably, it helps a lot whenever I feel the temptations taking over me.

Disclaimer here, these are just a few triggers and cures that my friends and I have experienced, but there are so many more. I simply want to start the conversation between both men and women so we can make it easier on each other. Stand together, not apart.

Now here's what I hope the reaction will be and I know there is no way to control it either. When it comes to reading about my personal struggle, don't pity, talk about it. I know it's awkward and uncomfortable, but I will answer any questions, listen to your struggle story, or say a prayer for you. I want anyone who reads this to consider what I say and make efforts towards helping each person who struggles with an addiction to impurities to fight against it. Most importantly, I want us to stand together and be freed from the chains that the devil throws at us. Finally, stop blaming guys or girls for these issues, they are not always the problem, it is usually outside sources.

There is nothing I want more than to be freed and open about my struggles. That is why I am starting a new series on my blog, each time I feel called to open up, I will tell you about any struggles I face.

Start the conversation, Sunshines. Don't let it eat at you and stay strong. I'm here for you.

xoxo

(P.S. I'm sure you are probably wondering why I decided to do this. Well, for the past 2 months I had been pondering the idea and then for the last 2 weeks I prayed about it. I had a breakthrough in Adoration when I felt a strong urge to write about it. God called me.)